Farewell

I start.....cheerful & hopeful...I recall the good moments, moments of hope, of lust.....I am excited....I can barely breathe.......

I continue...anxious & waiting....I recall the stressful moments, moments of uncertainty, of patience.....I can barely breathe.......

I end.......sad & depressed....I live the unhappy moments, moments of saturation, of agony, of passing by......I can barely breathe........

I await the final call, the final curtain, dunno what the play will be, but I'll sure play it, and I hope for best, no I believe in best.....foolish?! may be...but I rather be a fool than........

................

This is also part of the bargain,

when it should go, they should all go, my soul is closed, he is gone, these are the places where he does his business, and now I wager them, I wager them for her, it's like a promise...it is either her or no way out.....

I hereby declare this place closed until she permits me otherwise......

well this it.....this is Don Julio De La Marquee signing off.....Good Night.

Superficially Yours

I don't know you, you may know me, you may know my shell, my inner self has long fled this war, he is somewhere in a neutral land sipping a hot chocolate and laughing at the shell he left behind, yes you know the shell, and you know it all.

we don't go that deep, I am a superficial person, I am shallow, I can assure you no one will sink in me, I am that kind of a person, a shallow one, and when I'm gone they bury me superficialy and I'll be the superficial dust that the wind brushes against your face, yes I am that shallow.

You notice me, and that's so gracious of you, but you will forget and that sucks, but it's ok as I have forgotten too, and much of me has lost the other much of me, and so someday, good things in my life decided it was to be otherwise and left me for the better life they deserved, and the bad parts of life were left behind, not that they wanted to be with me, they had to, you know they weren't the travelling type, and so I nag all the time about how shitty life is, and they nod, and nag along.

so that's life I say, and it's ok. Now I dry pomegrants, and keep them, and dry among them and they keep me, I am practically one of them now...

On The Other Side

I open up my eyes...as easy as that I am across the border...in the same land...just across an imaginary line...I dreamt of the frontier...I believed that I had reached it...I dreamt of the imaginery dotted line that changes many things...Nationality...Identity....Belief....Being.......

I came only with the shirt on my back...I guess there wasn't much in this land worth carrying across...

I reached the border...closed my eyes....whispered a little farewell and crossed...I took the step...

I opened my eyes and was still here...in this very same land....I wasn't ready to pass....something close to nothing had me trapped in this land...attached...hum...the curse...curse of the land...

it's here...it's today....

I wonder about how unimportant people become after a while...although for some that while may just be a momentary event.....

..."This" becomes an annex or a footnote...something they rather not have in their books, and they won't in their upcoming versions...and that's life....unequivocally unimportant...

I wonder is "This" it? have I arrived? or even lower I shall go?

hum...I guess no one should feel this way on his "Day", but what do I know.....

God Hotline

- Hello?

- ....

- Yes, this is the God hotline..

- ....

- Well, no you can not talk to his holliness, I am his humble servant, may I help you?

- ....

- Oh no we don't do emergencies anymore, you may call 911 for that...

- ............

- I see, so you are in trouble again, do you want us to bail you out? or do you want an usual salvation service? I must remind you that we book hell or heaven rooms as well...

-.............

- Sir, I am not sure whether you want to pray using God hotline..it costs you 1.30$ a minute...

- .........

- Sure, have you paid your dividents?

- ......

- So, I'll arrange for you to be salvated, where do you want your heavenly accomodation to be? I propose the Bahamas sir...

- .............

- Would you like a hell view suit? I can assure you the view is quite spectacular, however there are some noise issues, you know with all the screems and so on...

- ............................

- ok, thats's done, now sir, are you a regular customer? do you want to open a regular customer account with us? it will save you 10 cents each minute starting from next call.

- ...................................

- No sir, we don't need your credit card number, we will charge your phone bill..

- ....

- Thank you and call us again at God hotline... we are open 24/7........enjoy your life while it lasts

this old familiar yet uneasy feeling of it all escapes from it's cell deep within...he slips as he evades me, becomes trapped and begs for mersi....but this magistrate has no soft side for an old annoying feeling....so he lashes at him...damns him...and sentences him to another "suspended life sentence" behind this old rotten soul............

...they take him out...the public boos him....condemn him...throw garbage at him.....amidst this all.....that old annoying feeling finds his peace...smiles and winks at them and says "it's ok...it's all ok"

my doctor in Cordoba tells me "these signs & symptoms are indicative of chronic soul failure".....after years of insufficiency finally it has come to a grounding halt...you need to go on "Soul Dialysis"...........earlier...much earlier in my life he says, it could have all been averted by "behavior modification"..................
in the end..he adds a personal touch to his statements "may God have mercy on your soul.."

Leave it at this

He calls out "leave it at that"....it all seems a bit to complicated from outside...but all these scary equations simplify their way into his heart...in the end all he is left with is an empty feeling...and except the sucking feeling that sucks all the life out of his childish soul everything works fine...he calls out to me and asks for more dreams "For a fellow mate in need" but I'm fresh out of dreams, so he'll probably toughen it out until the next stock arrives....and well that's that and so he "leaves it that"...

..."This is it" I say..here is the next station, I'll get off here...I dust off the memories, hang them loose...watch them hum and chant and die out...and they rain on me like ashes from an old inefficient coal burner...and I dance...and sing along their dying songs...I go down ladders...go through light and yet again find comfort in the darkness within it...a warm old feeling awakes...and surrounds me....it devours me...the ghosts of all my past sins...past mistakes...avenge themselves....and then we will be salvated