ادامه ی افاضات یه گروگان گیر

2008-12-27T05:36:00.000-08:00

No...No...Not me...

You have made me so bitter...too bitter to forget and forgive...

My wrath and my sorrow...my curse...hum...not on you...on me........

Ancestoral Communique that was left in a Time Capsule

2008-11-18T11:15:00.000-08:00

If you are reading this then a very very long time has passed, a generation has been probably lost, the generation of my father have grown old, and I am on the brink of being called a very old man...I don't know if what I have to say then will be any different than what I am saying now...but here it goes anyway...this will probably be the first of my many communiques...well it is inevitable...as I learn more...experience more...feel more...my perceptions and thoughts will transform...and probably so will what I have to say...

You may never come...you may never happen...which is probably not true if you are reading this...but know this...even now...although you are years away from even coming into existence...you are the sole purpose of life...your life...or rather your quality of life...your prosperity and success is all that matters...I am obssessed with you...and I know that by the time you read this...my obssession with you might have frustrated you many times...and I am sorry...but spare me as this is my curse or rather my blessing...you see...I have come to believe...that "Tu sera donc je suis"...being might be self explanatory...self justified...but not mine...you are the continuation that justifies all of this...and in this day and age, that I am writing you this...such a thought petrifies me...as I know...every mistake...every choice...will affect you...but well who better than you to judge...when the time comes...the judgement will be yours...yet please spare the old man's feelings because after all he is guilty of his affection for you...you have always been first...and what am I but a shield to protect you?

well, that just about does it for now...see you...I guess...

Don Julio Speeches on Anthropological Desalination of Young Minds - Vol. 3 Page 69

2008-08-20T02:52:00.000-07:00

** Earlier, I wrote something as one of my Anthropological Desalination speeches, however it wasn't really what I wanted to say, when I read it, I found myself wondering, so I am changing it...this speech that you see is the alternative one that I just wrote.

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There is an old saying which goes like this "Every man for himself". This statement has lasted through many many centuries of wars, development and advancement, yet now more than ever we feel it all around us. As human societies have evolved, a sense of individualism has grown among us, suddenly we have become more self centered, and thus our own existence and our own lives have become "The Greater Good" and not the greater good that concerns the whole society, we are subjective utilitarians now, while before we used to be objective utilitarians, we have reached the conclusion that "What is a society, if it is not serving me?" (I must admit that personally, I am an Egalitarian)

In contrast to what I said, there is another concept at extreme end of which there is the term "heroism". Heroism is designated to self-less actions performed by individuals, who put the good of the society before their own, this is being praised as a virtue in our societies, while it should be a norm; a social duty. A soldier who is killed in battle is not a martyr; he is a person who does what he has to do. While such an action must be praised, it is not because someone did something extraordinary, it is not simply because he has left the principle of "Every man for himself" but mostly because he has fulfilled his social obligation.

An individual in our context and time can not maintain his individuality without other individuals or rather without the society, we are not only defined by our connections in the society (I am someone's son...or someone's brother...or someone's enemy) but also our very own existence depends on the functions of the society. We are not the simple foraging societies of early human time, in order to eat, have something to wear, have some place to stay and so on; we are dependant on the society. Yes, we are still individuals, but individuals within a context. The motto "Every man for himself" still applies, but this "for himself" should be in accordance with the overall direction of the society, such a synchronicity will benefit every person in the society. This means that we have "Social Responsibilities", which every (or most) individuals should adhere to, if they want to protect their individuality.

However, still when faced with the choice between "Self Obligations" and "Social Obligations"--ethics aside--One might choose the "Self", as the whole purpose of the "Social Obligations" is to serve the self, so one must follow social norms, laws and obligations up to a point that they don't contradict the obligations toward one's self except when we can morally justify it; I mean when there is a "Greater Good" that supersedes the Good of our own, if we find that greater good, then it is not a big act of heroism or something extraordinary if we do something in line with that greater good. It is the logical and rational decision to make.

Whenever a person is faced with a choice between him/herself and the greater good of others, he must not make the decision based on his emotions or the false senses of obligations that society has built in him, but rather he should face it logically and ask him/herself whether "Greater Good" applies to him or to the society. Duty towards self or towards the society?

I think what I am saying is that don't rush into some heroic action without thinking it through, don't act based on your instincts, think of the greater good involved and if it is rationally and morally justifiable then go ahead, Save the World!!! and ask for nothing in return, because you did what you had to do.

Rather than acts of great heroism what I think is necessary, is to fulfill our very little social responsibilities, we do not need huge sacrifices on behalf of a very few brave souls to save this world, what we need are little concessions given by everyone of us; concessions that are big enough to satisfy our "Social Conscience" yet small enough that they don't jeopardize our sense of "Individualism"

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** I know all of these sound like a bunch of crap, but compared to what I had written here earlier, it is much better.

Don Julio Speeches on Anthropological Desalination of Young Minds - Vol.3 Appendix

2008-07-19T02:48:00.000-07:00

Al Gore, who was George W. Bush's opponent in his first election and lost the presidency to him only because of the complex rules governing the electoral process in USA and who right now is an environmental lobbyist, recently made a very interesting comment; he said that within a decade America can switch from fossil fuels to other more sustainable energy sources. He as well as many other people around the globe know that such a transition is feasible yet it is not still justifiable. This is undoubtedly due to the fact that the current infrastructure of not only the US economy but the global economy is based on fossil fuels, this would mean that a rapid transition to more sustainable energy sources needs abandoning the current infrastructure, which in US alone sums up to many trillion dollars.

So even if Al Gore challenges the US government to pursue such a task, they simply won't do it because it is not cost effective. But one must consider this a bit more; here I'll try to explain what I think about the future of fossil fuels. First of all, the current oil and gas reserves around the world will last around another 80-100 years, so the real need for switch over to other energy sources will not be felt until at least 40-50 years from now, however there are other factors involved that may still tip the scale a little bit sooner. For example; there are many who are concerned about the environmental cost of fossil fuels (e.g. Global Warming), they argue that the opportunity cost imposed by fossil fuels is canceling out any benefit they may have, yet this argument is mostly ignored around the world, as few of world leading economies recognize such opportunity cost or are willing to address it. However, there is another factor involved which may prove to be more crucial, and that is the "price" of fossil fuels, recently although the demand and supply market are in an equilibrium, we have seen considerable hikes in prices of oil and gas, with oil now reaching 150$ per barrel. This has pleased many oil exporting countries, but make no mistake, this is an alarm, as oil prices continue to rise (and I can assure you that they will) eventually a threshold will be reached and suddenly the option of "Switching Over" will not seem so unjustifiable. The slow trend of switching over has already begun (with Biofuels), yet it has not still formed into a wave. Remember combustion engines that run the global economy are almost at the edge of fuel efficiency, and so there is no other way, the next step is to abandon fossil fuels.

Right now oil exporting countries have the initiative and they must try not to lose it, there are several key strategies that they need to follow: the first one is a temporary measure; they should try to calm the market, they need to make more oil available and stabilize the market (although I think it is arguable that the global economy can still accommodate higher prices (as high as 200-250$ per barrel)). The second strategy concerns how they invest the money gained from oil exports. The best example is Norway, they distribute part of oil revenue among the nation either as direct payment or through public goods such as health and education, and they invest the other part into building the country’s infrastructure. Natural resources belong to every member of the nation, so spending their revenue should follow a redistributive pattern and ensure an intragenerational justice, yet these resources also belong to future generations, we can not deplete the nature, an old native American saying puts it “We have not inherited the earth from our forefathers, but we have borrowed it from our sons”. This brings us to the third and most important strategy which is making the economy oil independent, countries such as Iran need to rely less and less on oil revenues and spend the oil revenues in a way that ensures inter generational justice, meaning that the future generations will also have means of sustaining their economy and utility.

Don Julio Speeches on Anthropological Desalination of Young Minds - Vol. 1 Preface

2008-06-18T03:19:00.000-07:00

Many believe that "Life" is arguably the core of the universe, it seems that all has led to this, and as insignificant and weak as it may seem, it is the result of billions and billions of tiny adjustments in the mechanism of being. Probability of there being an environment in which life could commence, evolve and excel is a very minute one, in fact so small that one can almost say it is impossible. Yet gallaxies and stars and planets endured the agony of time, which is almost like an eternity, so that the complex laws governing them become meaningful or in other words through life they found a sense of purpose. This was a remarkable thing, now universe was a Pinctada (Pearl Oyster) that protected within itself the precious gift of life.

However, I believe, that "Life" is not entirely different from "Being", it is simply a biological status of being, and what is truely remarkable is the fact that organic life when ended becomes a carcass, still an organic state of being, which is then recycled to create organic life once more. This is the "Karma" of life; generations after generation of biologic carbon based life forms have come one after another, a dead human is absorbed by bacteria, that die and enrich the soil from which a tree is born, whose fruit another human eats. In this sense I do believe in "Karma", I believe that what constitutes me are my forefathers, and the living things before me, and so on...and if I go back for enough long time, the dust that I am now, was a dust from a blown up star from far far away. So we are part of the same "being" that rocks and planets and stars are. Based on this I argue that universe is alive, that universe is life, the ultimate "Macro-Organism"; it beats, it expands, it moves and changes. To this I must add, that I can not find any purpose for existence either as a biologic life form or as a lonely white dwarf in the sky, other than being itself. In other words, "Being is self explanatory"

Other life forms (including the universe), they take life for what it is, they face it "One day at a time", which even for us, even faced with worst days it would be tolerable and easy to comply with. It is however another side effect of life that makes it complex and hard to apprehend, and that is the "Cumulative Effect of Life". i.e. a day that comes is not independant from days before it, their effect upon us accumulate through time and shape us, form us or wear us out. However in case of us, humans, there is not just the "Burden of the Past" but also there is an "Anticipation of Future", this means that simple existence, is not justifiable for us, as we dread a future to come and with it a sense of purpose.

If finish my speech with a recap in form of a silly awful poem:

"Take life one day at a time, This will be easy,

but beware, life has a cumulative effect,

if you hang on to it, it becomes a burden,

and if this is not heavy enough for you,

there is always the anticipation of tomorrow,

now this will surely wear you down,

so if you want my advice, here it is:

Be and let it be"

Don Julio Speeches on Anthropological Desalination of Young Minds - Vol. 2 Page 19

2008-06-10T01:17:00.000-07:00

Nature had found a way to be flex it's muscle against the hardness and bitterness of "being", the stone like quality of universe and stars and galaxies. Thus where odds were good enough, a new concept was added to "being"; the concept of "life". It all started with a tiny carbon based molecule. Then a fool proof strategy was needed to perfect the new concept into something that would define "being", the universe and even the nature itself. Thus "Evolution" was planned.

The tiny molecule started it's journey along the route of evolution and transformed and transformed, adopted and evolved, into microbes, insects, plants, animals and so on...now something gooey and soft...something biologic was dominating the bitter cold face of the planets (planets as who knows how many other planets share this story with us). The evolution seemed to work perfectly, yet the success of the Gooey Beings was limited, so it was decided to add "Neuron Power" or "Central Nervous System" to the picture. Thus the once clueless being became intelligent, intelligent enough to tackle basic obstacles of everyday struggle for survival.

The success of "Intelligence" was so mind boggling that nature made a fundamental mistake, a new plug-in was designed for life, they called it "Consciousness", suddenly life became aware, Humankind was born. At first everything seemed ok, but then civilisation was born, the Man learnt how to exploit the nature.

The Son Began To Rebel Against The Mother Nature.

Humans fighted for dominance, and they gained through the weapon that nature had provided them, what they lacked in physical strength they compensated with Ideas, with thinking. They became innovators, and so fast was the rate of their innovations that nature was left behind, evolution was left behind, Man no longer needed to evolve in order to survive diseases and harsh conditions and so on, it simply bailed himself out by devising short cuts, breakthroughs and escape routes. This was when the mistake of nature became prominent, with evolution halted, the quest for perfection, for perfect being, for the ultimate creation of nature had ended. The plan had failed, the gooey stuff had went so far as becoming a well trimmed, intelligent being and then things had gone mad, the planet, the other members of gooey stuff (e.g. animals) were sacrificed to fulfill the desire of Human to dominate.

This spells the begining of a doom, "he who will not evolve shall perish". This simply translates to the fact that now that we have stopped the natural process of evolution in human kind, we need to follow in that track artificially, we need to improve ourselves, for example most of our organs were designed for a 50-60 life span, but we have extended life expectancy well into 70-80 using science and technology, but the physiology of our bodies was not designed for such a long life, so we become old, frail and more importantly a "Burden", so we need to artificially design new organs for ourselves with better efficacy and longer life span.

So when faced with the question of "Geneticly Engineered Human", I have only one answer:

"Hell Yeah!!!"

Don Julio Speeches on Anthropological Desalination of Young Minds - Vol. 1 Page 603

2008-05-10T04:42:00.000-07:00

If Isaac Asimov was alive and wanted to rewrite his "Caves of Steel " book, he would not have needed to describe a Cosmopolitan city in future, that future is already here, in his book he described cities which if cut off from outside would die within hours. He describes a devaluation of mankind in face of scarcity of resources and population density, a dystopian version of the world where survival of mankind relies on Yeasts and their products. Except the part about Yeasts, the whole idea doesn't seem so far fetched right now.

There are megacities which are housing millions of people, and curiously enough, these people are structured into layers defined by socioeconomic factors (mostly wealth anyway), however the main burden of running these gargantuan cities falls upon the shoulders of the lower layers, and also on the environment. for each mega city there needs to be area at least hundreds of times bigger, in order to simply feed the city. You can actually feel that the city is sucking in, sucking in money, resources, humans and even feelings even our souls. the allure of mega cities, tempts everyone, from way out (like from space) it actually appears like an utopian version of human civilization, even insects mistake it for the moon and fly towards it. however this high density of people has not led to the great solution, instead cities have became breeding grounds for diseases, crimes. Cities are spelling death for everything that human evolution has achieved through the years. In cities, the moral and believes of individuals mix to a degree that from the resulting overall mesh of tangled ideas, no sensible conclusion can be made. A society simply falls to a lower status of being, that of shameless parasitic existence. Long have gone the days of Industrial cities and urban production, cities like Detroit or Liverpool have died, and a new mutated and mutilated entity has been born, actually now, nothing is produced in cities (except pollution), only Service Sector is effectively active, a virtual sector; where the city creates a need, and the city fulfills it, it is a manner of self justification.

The megacity is a monster who breathes in fresh air and exhales deadly carcinogenic fumes, the never saturating monster, expands like a dense bacterial colony, annexes any human settlement around it, joins other megacities and accelerates towards it's inevitable doom. The vastness and the complicated mechanism of survival, becomes it's vulnerability, it's weakness, the city will eventually become paralyzed, all it needs is a trigger, an earthquake, a bomb or ... . The city crumbles, mass riots will rise and the great dystopian motto of every large city "everyone for himself" will become the order of the day. Masses will die, the wealth will be looted and every sign of civilization shall vaporize.

No wonder we create superheroes, the cities will reach the point that nothing humanly possible can save them, although they will reach that point through human means, through human greed, in that moment only a superhero can save this ailing structure. Then Batman should save Guatham city and Spiderman should save New York. Actually it was a great idea to imagine that Robocop will police the streets of Detroit, as the motor city is the classic example of human's failure at reaching the golden dream.

Cities when first formed were crowns of human civilization, a sign of progress, prospect and better future, they grew with civilization and then reached a threshold after which they became a hurdle to humanity and civilization. A Dystopian version of existence.

....You may ask me "so what?" is there anything we can do? well I think not at this moment, we have far passed the point of no return, we either should await that eventual doom's day, armageddon or end of the world, or well we can simply emigrate, where?

To new solutions, even new planets!!!

Don Julio Speeches on Anthropological Desalination of Young Minds - Vol. 3, Page 173

2008-04-29T10:24:00.000-07:00

The battle of dominion at the very bottom of the evolutionary chain, is simply dominion over extinction; an urge for survival. As we come higher in the chain, we face new battles for dominion, which are battle of dominion between species, which species comes higher in the food chain, which species relies less on other species' survival (adoptability) and who gets the ladies!!!!

In higher mamals and primates however the mood suddenly changes, there is an urge for dominion within the species, which is called "who leads the gang around here dude?", this is why male lion defines a territory and aggressively defends it, although I must say the move up the chain does not mean that the lower battles of dominion are phased out, no a male lion still needs to sit on his ass while the lady does the shopping or in this case hunting. Interesting enough through out evolution domination of a gender over the other gender (male over female, or vise versa) has become less important, while standing out among the other members of the same gender has gained importance, the main battle is over which Lion gets to keep the ladies (The Dominant) and who goes with his tail wagging between his legs (The Subordinate).

Humans (as higher primates) also face the battle of dominion, in our notion we call this "leading or being led". In case of mankind the battle has evolved into curious dimensions that of races, religions, countries and football teams!

The interesting fact of the matter is that there is another side to dominion which is subordination, for he who leads, there is one who is led. So in a sense the relationships, all of them whether romantic, sexual, financial or so on, involves one who is dominant and one who is dominated. This is like the negative and positive poles of a magnet. This is what ensures that a relationship is sustained (although one does not necessarily need to be dominant in every aspect of the relationship)

Saint Julio de la Marquee Preeches the Masses at the Global Village

2008-04-29T09:58:00.000-07:00

There is an inevitability involved with "Guilt", it will eventually be present in everyone of us. The guilt follows when we do something we desire and even when we abstain from it, in later case it will be called "regret" which is essentially guilt, however a morally justified one.

It is interesting that "pleasure" has been attached to guilt, it is an essence of being human, the guilt and shame have been interwoven into our souls, so that while we enjoy pleasure and it actually has biological and psychological benefits for us, it is associated with a level of guilt or shame, this makes us wary of being joyful, thus human is intently devided in two, The one who sins and enjoys, and the one who bears the guilt and suffers.

Guilt is felt when one follows the stream of nature. in lower species in the evolution chain what pleasurable senses the nature has provided them with shall be satisfied, a dog won't abstain from eating or copulating when the occasion arises. However, we humans have developed "morality" as opposed to pleasure, the orthodox jews believe that the divine way is to fight the nature and it's urges, in a sense there is a battle going on inside us, the ever lasting battle between good and evil, which both are merely human concepts, the good and bad are created and maintained by mankind so that there is always a struggle facing us, moral dilemmas, all of us have had them and will have them. There is no single human being who can say that I don't have a moral stand point, all of us, even the lowest of us, eventually reach a point where good and bad are differentiated, and we choose our battle ground, which for every individual is always the good side! although this good side may oppose the good side of others, or the morality of the society.

Guilt follows us every where, I bore witness when he, the Jesus, himself was put on the cross, and in those last moments of life, he fancied Mary the magdalen, and dreamt of copulating with her, so even he died guilty. There is a battle of guilt always raging on inside of us, the battle which is basically:

Me Vs. Me

2008-04-09T05:44:00.000-07:00

Beware! You never know when you are being counted...

This applies to sheeps, humans, posts, gigabytes and ...

...

Einstein once said "not all that can be counted counts and not all that counts can be counted"

however, you'd better be careful, 'cause you are being counted (who knows for whatever perverted reason)

2008-03-29T05:21:00.000-07:00

Damn...I am so awfully sorry...

Stock Market Meta-analysis of Don Julio's Mood

2008-03-24T07:49:00.000-07:00

Well The Don Julio Mood, has steadily and gradually declined, with equivalent share values which are now almost equal to Zilch! and now the Forecast: Honestly, it is not so good, we are going down baby...it is time to salvage what you have left and bail out....Abandon Ship...Scram...Run for your life...Go while you can...

Don Julio Speeches on Anthropological Desalination of Young Minds - Vol.1 Page 1132

2008-03-10T08:55:00.000-07:00

Evolutionary Stable Strategy is the "Nash Equilibrium" theory applied to evolution theories. It actually implies that certain strategies (ESS) exist that ensure that if evolution is only achieved using "Natural Selection" then the species that are following the ESS will always be selected over the mutants. This ensures long-term survival and dominance of a race or specie. It has been long discussed that being "Social" is the humans' ESS, yet living socially has been seen in many species, and personally I think the true ESS is "Deception" or more correctly put "The Ability to Deceive".

having said all of these, there is also the Essential Survival Strategy (again ESS), this refers to minimum strategies that a player (specie, race, …) should adopt in order to survive, this does not ensure long term prospect and dominance of that player however it is basically what is needed to stay in the game, this acts as a cornerstone for evolutionary stable strategies. I think in case of us humans!!! Essential survival strategy consists of being Omnivorous! (So beware Vegetarians!)

Semi Intelligent Meeting on Planet Mars

2008-03-07T08:12:00.000-08:00

On a planet nearby, semi intelligent species of the milky way galaxy are holding a meeting, the meeting is called "The Semi Intelligent Gathering for Emphasizing on the Rights of the Semi Intelligent". this has been met by great enthusiasm by semi intelligent habitants of the world, however intelligent species have completely ignored it. For the non intelligent species, well this is just like everything else that goes around in the world and they don't understand it.

What follows is a conversation between two semi intelligent life forms who have met each other in the meeting:

- hey dude..

- hey dude...

- so whats up? why are you here dude?

- well, I guess for the meeting, how about you?

- the same dude, I was in the "relationship counselling meeting" earlier, and I think there was a point in there...

- yeah, me too, my grasp over the whole thing was that, "three is crowded for a relationship"..so it is our right to be one of "only two individuals in the relationship"

a third person walks in, they completely ignore him, well it is their right to keep the relationships, even the semi intelligent ones only for two individuals.....

A Kryptonian Conversation

2008-03-07T08:05:00.000-08:00

It doesn't matter where or when or between whom this conversation sets place...it could be me arguing to God...it could be a lunetic's dialogue with an imaginary hallucinatory friend...but the important fact is that I am in this conversation, I am the one who is complaining...but for the sake of entertainment let's say that the scenery is the planet Krypton, Kal-L or Superman has just returned to krypton and is complaining to Jor-L or his father (try to imagine the voice of Marlon Brando!!!)...however comicly set...this conversation albeit short is as sad as the words...

- You know, at first I thought I can not cope with your world, but then I found that my coping mechanisms are ok, but your world isn't, it just refused to treat me fairly, then I found out that the world is ok, you know it should be, the world treats everyone fairly, it crushes some and spares the others, you know the Essential Survival Strategy (ESS). But I kept alternating from the crushing form of life to the relief phase and yet back again to the phase when everything collapses on me. So honestly I think it is your fault...it is either yours or mine, and I rather want it to be your fault.......

You say nothing for a while, with a big grin on your face, you stroke my back and say:

- Well son, it is definitely not your fault, it's not mine either, the problem is, my son....you are fundamentally flawed, and there isn't anyone to blame.........

Farewell

2007-12-31T10:36:00.001-08:00

I start.....cheerful & hopeful...I recall the good moments, moments of hope, of lust.....I am excited....I can barely breathe.......

I continue...anxious & waiting....I recall the stressful moments, moments of uncertainty, of patience.....I can barely breathe.......

I end.......sad & depressed....I live the unhappy moments, moments of saturation, of agony, of passing by......I can barely breathe........

I await the final call, the final curtain, dunno what the play will be, but I'll sure play it, and I hope for best, no I believe in best.....foolish?! may be...but I rather be a fool than........

................

This is also part of the bargain,

when it should go, they should all go, my soul is closed, he is gone, these are the places where he does his business, and now I wager them, I wager them for her, it's like a promise...it is either her or no way out.....

I hereby declare this place closed until she permits me otherwise......

well this it.....this is Don Julio De La Marquee signing off.....Good Night.

Superficially Yours

2007-12-18T05:55:00.000-08:00

I don't know you, you may know me, you may know my shell, my inner self has long fled this war, he is somewhere in a neutral land sipping a hot chocolate and laughing at the shell he left behind, yes you know the shell, and you know it all.

we don't go that deep, I am a superficial person, I am shallow, I can assure you no one will sink in me, I am that kind of a person, a shallow one, and when I'm gone they bury me superficialy and I'll be the superficial dust that the wind brushes against your face, yes I am that shallow.

You notice me, and that's so gracious of you, but you will forget and that sucks, but it's ok as I have forgotten too, and much of me has lost the other much of me, and so someday, good things in my life decided it was to be otherwise and left me for the better life they deserved, and the bad parts of life were left behind, not that they wanted to be with me, they had to, you know they weren't the travelling type, and so I nag all the time about how shitty life is, and they nod, and nag along.

so that's life I say, and it's ok. Now I dry pomegrants, and keep them, and dry among them and they keep me, I am practically one of them now...

On The Other Side

2007-12-15T07:21:00.000-08:00

I open up my eyes...as easy as that I am across the border...in the same land...just across an imaginary line...I dreamt of the frontier...I believed that I had reached it...I dreamt of the imaginery dotted line that changes many things...Nationality...Identity....Belief....Being.......

I came only with the shirt on my back...I guess there wasn't much in this land worth carrying across...

I reached the border...closed my eyes....whispered a little farewell and crossed...I took the step...

I opened my eyes and was still here...in this very same land....I wasn't ready to pass....something close to nothing had me trapped in this land...attached...hum...the curse...curse of the land...

2007-12-14T01:18:00.000-08:00

it's here...it's today....

I wonder about how unimportant people become after a while...although for some that while may just be a momentary event.....

..."This" becomes an annex or a footnote...something they rather not have in their books, and they won't in their upcoming versions...and that's life....unequivocally unimportant...

I wonder is "This" it? have I arrived? or even lower I shall go?

hum...I guess no one should feel this way on his "Day", but what do I know.....

God Hotline

2007-12-04T02:55:00.000-08:00

- Hello?

- ....

- Yes, this is the God hotline..

- ....

- Well, no you can not talk to his holliness, I am his humble servant, may I help you?

- ....

- Oh no we don't do emergencies anymore, you may call 911 for that...

- ............

- I see, so you are in trouble again, do you want us to bail you out? or do you want an usual salvation service? I must remind you that we book hell or heaven rooms as well...

-.............

- Sir, I am not sure whether you want to pray using God hotline..it costs you 1.30$ a minute...

- .........

- Sure, have you paid your dividents?

- ......

- So, I'll arrange for you to be salvated, where do you want your heavenly accomodation to be? I propose the Bahamas sir...

- .............

- Would you like a hell view suit? I can assure you the view is quite spectacular, however there are some noise issues, you know with all the screems and so on...

- ............................

- ok, thats's done, now sir, are you a regular customer? do you want to open a regular customer account with us? it will save you 10 cents each minute starting from next call.

- ...................................

- No sir, we don't need your credit card number, we will charge your phone bill..

- ....

- Thank you and call us again at God hotline... we are open 24/7........enjoy your life while it lasts

2007-11-30T08:34:00.000-08:00

this old familiar yet uneasy feeling of it all escapes from it's cell deep within...he slips as he evades me, becomes trapped and begs for mersi....but this magistrate has no soft side for an old annoying feeling....so he lashes at him...damns him...and sentences him to another "suspended life sentence" behind this old rotten soul............

...they take him out...the public boos him....condemn him...throw garbage at him.....amidst this all.....that old annoying feeling finds his peace...smiles and winks at them and says "it's ok...it's all ok"

2007-11-17T02:20:00.000-08:00

my doctor in Cordoba tells me "these signs & symptoms are indicative of chronic soul failure".....after years of insufficiency finally it has come to a grounding halt...you need to go on "Soul Dialysis"...........earlier...much earlier in my life he says, it could have all been averted by "behavior modification"..................
in the end..he adds a personal touch to his statements "may God have mercy on your soul.."

Leave it at this

2007-11-17T01:55:00.000-08:00

He calls out "leave it at that"....it all seems a bit to complicated from outside...but all these scary equations simplify their way into his heart...in the end all he is left with is an empty feeling...and except the sucking feeling that sucks all the life out of his childish soul everything works fine...he calls out to me and asks for more dreams "For a fellow mate in need" but I'm fresh out of dreams, so he'll probably toughen it out until the next stock arrives....and well that's that and so he "leaves it that"...

2007-11-16T00:10:00.000-08:00

..."This is it" I say..here is the next station, I'll get off here...I dust off the memories, hang them loose...watch them hum and chant and die out...and they rain on me like ashes from an old inefficient coal burner...and I dance...and sing along their dying songs...I go down ladders...go through light and yet again find comfort in the darkness within it...a warm old feeling awakes...and surrounds me....it devours me...the ghosts of all my past sins...past mistakes...avenge themselves....and then we will be salvated

2006-08-27T02:53:00.000-07:00

..halelujah...poor child of mine...I sacrificed you...the thin layer of mortal dust that I am...oh poor child o'mine......

beyond this everything...it is so painful just because there was a time...a time may be far gone...far far away...a time when things were different...destiny had his own blows...

now it's round 22...I still hold on...bloody...half conscious..in my corner I sigh..the bell tolls..here we go again...man beat the hell out o'me...break my teeth......let this be my stake...let me burn..it's tough......man you used to carry me on your shoulders...now you bit by bit kill me...yes, I've grown up..grown big enough to pay.....and I swear, I'm payin it in full....satisfy your urges...Spill the blood...Drink the blood....................

no....no.........let's be honest....Spare me......please........Please Spare me ... this soul is degraded down to the ground......guess you've wiped the world off my face...and it hurts...it hurts so much.............Spare me & I shall crouch through the rest o'my life...this is ending up a far cry from those dreams...and I can't take it no more...my screams are merely a whisper...scratching their way through my brain.....spare me...spare me...............................

heh..no I'm not a fool, I know well enough that:

A man is what he is made of...................................

2006-08-26T02:26:00.000-07:00

..heh...even the whispers are gone
.....................................
the problem was Split Personality....and these days they have Chemical cures for all the problems of the Soul......they took away all other personalities...now the problem is, THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE OTHER THAN THOSE SPLIT PERSONALITIES

2006-08-24T16:59:00.000-07:00

in closed circuits they circulate...they clap...they sing...heh they groan.......in closed circuits...

such private circles...and I'm left out...yet I see...I see & I hear.......

All those noises, that's me passing by everyday..the one who awaits...the one who posted his passion which should have got there by now via Air Mail!!!...

the sooner it comes up, it means the sooner I shall fall...these little differences don't matter..such is the irony of Linear Algebra...we end up in the very same place...down there..where I resonate between morning Narcolepsy & late night Insomnia......the ever Kyphosed Position....

2006-08-22T11:21:00.000-07:00

as I sit in my corner in Cordoba, and it screaches, I calculate the Integral of Burning formula and scream "if the formula is constant the dimensions of the lost life are...." but everyone knows well the formula is not constant...yet nobody objects...guess they're too busy calculating their own integrals....with a funny waddling gait he arrives...and screems "let's roll"....and starts carving the sylvius aqueduct in my brain...playfully he has carved a place for himself in there.....a bomb long in past blows up again and fills everything with the same bitter taste.....a voice calls out "psychosis...psychosis"...with chlorpramide & Sulpride...such a pitty gift......

and the man in my brain blows, and blows and ascends...ascends and I hang from it..."man, take me out of Cordoba too"...and the wind comes...and we go...and we go...and we go......and then suddenly I am all alone again in Cordoba...

2006-08-21T01:39:00.000-07:00

long times has passed, yet nothing has changed, I am still a victim, a victim of my times, a prisonner within myself,

Buried Shallow, Forgotten deeply...I've rotten, I've blotted and the skin has slipped off my bones

and still I sing "Je Cherche Fortune, aoutour de chat noir......."

this is the story of a life, my life...the simple short story of a gasping being.
...............
the spirits are devastated, they tried their best, tried to resist the last slipping, but sometimes the desire to move on is not as strong as the fatigue that overcomes the soul, and so they slipped and vanished

2005-09-01T02:27:00.000-07:00

I shall make it short:
resuscitation of vaporized saints,
breathing the life of high doses of ascension,
hypodermal treatment of souring eyes.

2005-09-01T02:21:00.000-07:00

what were you thinking?
what did you try to prove?
why did you have to bear this shame?
...I just don't seem to understand me.

2005-08-31T04:41:00.000-07:00

it came steaming out,
surrounded me and made me praise
the glowing nightmare of the past
it was the sick saturation of the day glorified by emptiness of the cold night.
somewhere close enough my memories were being raped.

2005-08-31T03:48:00.000-07:00

It winds up
and spreads through my veins,
carrying the bite all the way.
the spiral, the question left unanswered deep within.

2005-08-30T12:44:00.000-07:00

a Man wasted away,
with his sins still hanging heavy from
his decaying battered remnants,
the cruelty is when the world just refuses to forget you.

2005-08-30T12:35:00.000-07:00

Nostalgia,
where eternity mixes with light
and they suddenly rush in your mind, forcing you out.
now my dusty soul is hanging somewhere in there,
still throwing the coins inside the shallow smelly river.

2005-08-28T02:57:00.000-07:00

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